The Caskey Family

Dear Momma,
October 30, 2014, 1:41 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

(A note to the mom who feels like she doesn’t measure up.)

It seem like the moment I became pregnant with my first child a seed of doubt was planted and forever grew in my mind.

Should I let my baby sleep next to us in our bedroom or over on the other side of the house in their own bedroom? Should I feed them vegetables first or just fruit? Should I hold them when they cried, or let them cry it out? I read books about parenting, talked endlessly with my husband, friends and older women about the right way to parent.

I watched other parents and their children, and no matter what the situation was, I always wondered. Was I doing the right thing for my child? Maybe I should change what I was doing. Was the way I was parenting going to ruin my child forever? Then I felt guilty for questioning myself. Now I was a bad mother for questioning and worrying! 

Nine years later, I think I realize that this is the heart of a good mama. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself.

I have felt guilty for years because my children often wake up and find me still resting in my bed. Even now, with older children, they still wake up to me in my bed, still in my pajamas. So many great mothers I know post on their Facebook, or their blog, about how the early-morning is the time they get to prepare for their day. They show beautiful pictures and tell sweet wonderful stories that I envy of how wonderful the morning hours are for them, and how they couldn’t survive their day unless they got up early. 

And every time I read a post like that, I question, whether I should adjust my schedule again and try, yet again to do the early-morning mama thing. 

This morning, Jeremy’s alarm went off very loudly and very early. I woke up, made my bed and got a few things done. Here’s a picture just for the proof!

image-1As I made my bed, however, I felt some regret. This morning I would not get the giggles and snuggles and hugs of three adorable children in my bed. I would miss out on relaxed sleepy conversations this morning when they woke up. I would very proactively and efficiently set them to task on their morning routine, and the possibly most important connections of our day would be missed. We would finish homeschool early, we would get more done, but still we will have missed out. 

So to you momma, the momma like me, who always wonders if she’s doing it right, take a rest, make sure you leave time in your day to accomplish the most important things.

A wise mother once told me that one of the most important lessons we can teach our children is how to rest. And now, as a mother of children who love relaxed time with me, I can say wholeheartedly that I agree with her! You see, it is in those times when we are relaxed, that we are emotionally present enough to give our children some of the things they desperately need the most! They need us to pay attention to them, and not anything else, to sit quietly with them, and let the thoughts of their little hearts pour out to us in a way that they only can when things are restful and quiet.

They need us to pray for them, they need to find us reading God’s word, not in a rush, but in a way that teaches them that God’s word is something to feast on and delight in and “waste our day away in.” 

And since we’re on the subject, I don’t usually read my Bible in the morning. Usually it’s later in the day, when my mind is sharp later. One benefit of that as a mother, is that sometimes my children get to see me read God’s word during the day.

Now for those of you amazing mothers who wake up early in the morning as the proverbs 31 woman does and prepares bread for her household and is busy at work, enjoy the place and routine that God has called you to as well! 

I will be the proverbs 31 woman who stays up just a little later preparing for the next day.

Either way you go (or if you are something completely different, or in between), remember that God gave you the children you needed and gave your children the mother they needed. He ordained every day for them before there was yet one of them (Psalm 139) including today.

Relish today in the fact that your family has been called to care for and love each other in different ways than other families – different ways that are beautiful and sweet. . .in ways that no one else can completely know or really understand, except of course the very Creator God who ordained your days together before the beginning of time.

9 Comments so far
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Beautiful post, Adina!!!! I feel like the past few months God has been teaching me to REST in Him, as opposed to being RESTLESS as I tried to take on extraneous demands and manage countless distractions. I want to sit at Jesus’ feet and turn down the volume around me and hear His voice instruct and guide my heart, thus my day. Thank you so much for sharing this! I love your heart! Lots of love!!!

Comment by Mary :)

Miss you so very much friend!! Thanks for the encouragement, and boy would I enjoy a visit to your sweet house myself!! Hugs and lots of love!

Comment by icaskey

Learning about grace is a lifelong task. It’s first about learning how loved we are when we don’t deserve it. Then it’s about learning how our human efforts divert us from enjoying the lavish love that holds us.

Your story reminds me of a comment your mother made about the subtle pressures around us to perform. In late 1995 Carolyn Ahrens’ song “Seize The Day” was getting a lot of airplay on Transworld radio. In a voice, colored a bit with exasperation, Linda said, “that song just makes me tired.”

It’s a bit heart warming to see the parallel in your spiritual journey between you and Linda. Even more encouraging is knowing your children get to watch you learn how to be childlike, held, resting in His specific loving provision, specially made just for you. Thanks.


Comment by Dad Ahlgren

Thanks for sharing the tidbit about Mom! I miss her lots and it is sweet to get little reminders about her!

Comment by icaskey

Adina, thank you for that post. Really. It made me reflect in so many of our conversations we used to have. You have always been a woman who inspires me to be a better mother, wife, and Christian. I love your outlook raising children and still, to this day, think of how to handle situations better like you might do.

Comment by jawhite04

I so miss you friend! You have been an inspiration to me as well, and I wish we lived closer. . .someday again maybe! Love to you and your adorable family!

Comment by icaskey

You are absolutely right, Miss Adina. My children are grown and I miss the quiet relaxed moments when they were younger. I cherish all the little moments that were not doing anything special but being with each other. You are a good Mom. I’ve seen your loving ways. Do not doubt yourself…you are a loving mother and a supportive wife….but mostly you are a wonderful person. I love you always and your whole family. Aunt Molly

Comment by Molly

Aww! Miss you Aunt Molly!! Thanks for keeping up with us! Hugs to you and yours! Love you!

Comment by icaskey

I’m a late-morning mama too, Adina, and thank you for this post which has helped relieve a lot of guilt I was waking up to each day. I’m actually excited to savor tomorrow morning!

Comment by brandyrlee

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